Attack of the ties

Yes, I've failed in my duty. It isn't that I haven't been doing stuff....it's more that I haven't stopped doing stuff long enough to write about the stuff I'm doing!

That, and playing games on Facebook. There really should be some sort of group therapy for that sort of thing.

But I do so love my attack posts, and since this weekend is a very special weekend in the States, I couldn't miss the opportunity. So, this one's for you, Dad!

What's more traditional for Father's Day than a gift of a tie?

I'm pretty sure there's some sort of symbolism in that. Like a noose tightening around your throat. The end of reckless abandon, the beginning of a lifetime of servitude to the little people who have taken charge of your life.









Or possibly it's just to keep your neck warm.


I think this would look much better in bright primary colors.

With white face paint.

And a rainbow wig.

And a flower that squirts water.






But perhaps your dad hasn't yet been corrupted by the corporate machine that pays for your food, shelter, educational future, concert tickets....

That's ok, too! We've got him covered.








Well, halfway at least.

 Or perhaps he's a nature lover.

The great thing about these ties is that you don't have to buy him a separate bottle of cologne! They come complete with the smell of wood shavings and paint thinner rubbed right in.









Of course, let's not forget dad's feet. There's no reason dad's footwear can't be both comfortable and stylish.

Which brings me to the versatility of the semi-forgotten accessory- the bow tie.

 Pair it with a matching vest and your dad doesn't need to shout from the rooftops that his hot, his impeccable fashion sense will do it for him.












Bow ties are also a great way for dad to show off his hobbies.

Be it a gambling addiction.










Spending hours on the water drinking beer claiming to be attempting to catch dinner.













Or singing Queen songs at karaoke night. 

 Because, let's not forget, bow ties are cool.














Or perhaps your dad, like mine, doesn't wear ties at all. Even really cool bow ties.

That's ok, give him wall art instead!

Whenever the sun streams in through the window to hit this homage to hommes, he'll be thinking about you as he squints, trying to see the tv in vain.

Just don't expect to be mentioned in the will.

 I have a soft spot in my heart for single parents, they have to be both parents. So, single moms, you don't get left out either!

Sorry.

We seem to have gone back to the whole circus theme again. Maybe it has something to do with that incessant whining from the smallish people in the house that the sole purpose of a parent is to constantly provide entertainment on demand.










Of course, what holiday would be complete without a hideous knitted sweater?














 Especially for my dad.

I love you!







Happy Father's Day!

Fit for a Queen

For those of you in the States, we in the Land Down Under are having a long weekend to celebrate the Queen's Birthday.

Being American, I have no idea when the Queen's actual birthday is. And apparently celebrating the occasion by wearing a tiara and eating birthday cake is not the traditional observance.

However, I love birthday cake, and I love tiaras. I'm starting a new tradition!

Now, I could do the honorable thing and share what I've been doing lately, but I've been a bit of a slacker and haven't actually made much progress in the last few days. Some, but not a lot. So, instead, I thought we could all enjoy another installment of When Crafts Attack- Queen Style!

Of course, to honor her properly, we have to know what we're aiming for. 


This is not it.


OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

 Put on our prettiest party dresses.



Ummm....or that one.

 Find your best jewelry.

 And top your perfectly coiffed tresses with a tiara that is suitably...


Ummm.....


Stunning.

Don't get me wrong, I like sparkly pom pom balls. But honestly, this is just.... there are no words.

 And I'm pretty sure this falls under the category of child abuse. If it were made by a three year old, then hey! It's great! But this was made by a mother, with step by step instructions published online to encourage other mothers to make their daughters wear this.

Isn't there some sort of agency that prevents this sort of thing?












And again. This one was made out of an old ice cream container.

People, it's ok to buy some of your costume supplies at a store.

 But maybe your little princess (or you) prefers a more modern approach to the traditional tiara.

And falling down from the massive weight of your jewels.


Notice how the ear piece is not on her ear.

I wonder how well she can see.

At least she put on her dressy flannel shirt to compliment this fantastic accessory.

Now it's your turn to decide, because honestly I'm not sure if this is horrible or not.

Sure, it looks more suited to something you'd rip out of your garden instead of adorning your head. But I can see it working to top off a Mother Nature costume.

Maybe it needs to be seen in context.









Unfortunately, that picture doesn't seem to exist. At least not online. So you'll just have to use your imagination.


Happy crafting!